My name is Cindy. I am 34 years old and neurodivergent. These blogs are just who I am and what I am feeling at the current time they are posted or random things I enjoy. Some deep, some not. If you read them I thank you for taking the time out of your life to listen. Some people don’t care enough to try to understand others, and it says something about you that you are trying.
Something I wanted to be consistent at is posting things to feel good about on fridays. Because of the ups and downs in life, I may not be able to do this each week. In all honesty, this week was very stressful for me. I feel like listing everything that made me feel good when my prominent feelings were feeling bad, is being way too selective and inaccurately representing my life.
It’s not that there aren’t things to feel good about – there definitely are – but my mind feels clouded by stress and overstimulation. I regret not being able to be completely present sometimes because of it. I have really nice, caring people around me, but my mind lately feels fixated on people who have made my life more difficult, or overall injustice. I feel a mix of anger and sadness about it, but overall more sadness. A lot of the time anger is just a bodyguard for sadness.
I think it’s important to acknowledge my feelings, while also making plans for myself to feel better. Part of helping myself feel better is speaking up about injustice, letting out my honest feelings, and finding more ways to be present.
Today, I have a full day of things to do. Some more overwhelming than others. Throughout the day I want to practice being as present as possible and see if there are ways I can help somebody else feel better. To take myself out of my mind and my own problems, I enjoy finding ways to help people even if they are small. It feels like a win-win scenario where we both can benefit, and even if we don’t reach the goal of feeling good today, at least we can start to feel less bad.
This week I tried out 2 new sodas, and 2 new snacks. Here are my honest reviews on them.
Slice Classic Cola
This tasted like an off brand diet cola. Regular diet coke is acceptable to me, but this one is just.. not very pleasant. I do like that it has prebiotics and probiotics and its caffeine source is organic green tea, which is also healthy. It has 25 mg of caffeine in one can so it’s not overloaded with it. It has a lingering weird after taste that I also didn’t like.
My Rating: ★★☆☆☆ 2/5 😬 While it’s healthier, the flavor does not come close to regular diet coke and is just not pleasant.
Live Organic living soda – Root Beer
Wow. This tastes like regular root beer to me, with maybe a tiny less sugar taste. One can is only 10 calories and 3 grams of sugar. I had to check out the ingredients and it is made with mostly organic fermented tea, organic stevia, and organic apple juice concentrate. It tastes like none of these ingredients. No fake sugar aftertaste either, just regular root beer flavor for a small fraction of the usual calories and sugar that root beer contains. It has pre and probiotics as well.
My Rating: ★★★★★ 5/5 🥳✨ A tasty, and much healthier alternative to regular soda or diet soda. Going to have to remember this one for the future.
Late July Hawaiian Habanero Tortilla Chips
I have tried a different flavor of this chip brand before (Jalapeno lime) and enjoyed them, so I already felt a bit optimistic about these.
When trying the first chip, I immediately tasted the pineapple at first, and only tasted the heat afterwards. The heat was mild, as it advertises on the bag. As I ate more, the heat built up but never to an overwhelming amount or even to the point where I felt I needed a drink to deal with it. The flavor was really good though. The sweet + spicy flavors weren’t just one note, they had a sort of depth to them that you don’t really get with some other chip flavors. The serving size is 12 chips for 140 calories. They are vegan, gluten free, with no artificial flavors, colors, or preservatives. I would say these are basically a much healthier alternative to Doritos.
Depending on where you buy them they can be pricey. 5-6 dollars for one 7.8 ounce bag. I would most likely try to catch them on sale.
My Rating: ★★★★★ 5/5 🥳✨ Healthier tortilla chips with a satisfying mix of sweet and spicy flavor
The Good Chocolate Himalayan & Sea Salt Dark chocolate 65% Cacao
So this is one of those keto chocolate bars that uses stevia as a sweetener. These are definitely a gamble in my experience. After opening it, I noticed some of the chocolate squares spell out “good”. But is it actually good?
To be completely honest, no. This chocolate says it’s 65% dark chocolate. That doesn’t seem too high to me. However, this was so incredibly bitter it reminded me of more like 90% dark chocolate. Also, the amount of salt in it didn’t seem to help counteract the bitterness. The chocolate had more fruity notes which I don’t prefer in chocolate unless it’s something that’s advertised to have fruit in it so I’m expecting it.
This bar was almost 6 dollars. If it were actually good as it advertises, I wouldn’t mind that so much, but given its taste and how I don’t think I will want to even finish the bar, I would not get this again.
My Rating: ★☆☆☆☆ 1/5 👎😒 Unpleasant chocolate flavor that is extremely bitter.
Conclusion:
Overall 2/4 of these I would purchase again. The root beer especially is going to be something I treat myself to now and then. The other 2, well.. let’s just pretend those never happened 🥲
Today I wanted to highlight a few songs I enjoy from Message To Bears.
Message To Bears is the musical alias of English composer and multi-instrumentalist Jerome Alexander.
Alexander creates beautiful soundscapes by interweaving acoustic guitar, piano, electronics, ethereal samples, strings and hushed vocals.
I haven’t taken a deep dive into his discography just yet, but what I have heard so far has impressed me. I feel a sense of calm when listening to his music. Here are a few songs that stood out to me.
Reflecting on this week, here are a few things that helped me feel good for this feel good friday 🌟
🖼️ – My photo “Back in time” sold at the local art center. This is my first framed photo I sold. I wasn’t expecting that but it was a nice surprise!
🎃☕ – My friend treated me to a pumpkin cold brew to celebrate me selling my first photo. That was really nice!
🦷🐟 – I finally got my dentist appointment I had been putting off over with, and while I was nervous, it wasn’t as bad as I anticipated. They even had a large screen TV on in front of the dentist chair with swimming fishes on it. I actually felt like it helped by distracting me (just another reason why I relate to cats..)
☁️ – I had a couple difficult days, but I reflected on them, let out my feelings and felt better.
🗣️💬 – I advocated for more accessibility for people with disabilities at an organization I felt could be more inclusive. I made my points to one of the owners, they seemed to be set on using excuses, but I still held them accountable and shared my perspective in a respectful way. It may not have lead to change, but I felt like at least starting a conversation and bringing awareness about it was important.
🎉🎶 – Excited over a few events this weekend I will be attending!
💸🪦 – Paid off all the bills (doesn’t exactly “feel good” to have less money but the feeling of relief and being responsible is good)
🎬🎤 – Got some new tools for creative hobbies I’m trying out
🍂🌦️ – The weather is cooling down! Finally it feels like Fall. I am over the heat and looking forward to cooler weather where heatstroke is not a daily risk.
All in all it was a good week. I’m very thankful for that and looking forward to what’s ahead!
I have a habit of sticking to the same foods, drinks etc and can wind up bored and in a rut. I get hesitant to try new things in fear of them being bad and wasting my money. Taste Test Tuesday is where I’ll push myself to try a few new things, expanding my palate while shrinking my wallet. I may try a recipe here and there as well. I will rate them on a 1-5 star scale and give my honest opinion on them.
Starburst Goodies FaveReds Plant based gummies
I don’t eat a lot of candy, but I’ve always loved starburst. Since these are made with real fruit and don’t use food dyes I thought I’d give them a try.
They were surprisingly better than I expected! The flavor was very fruity and similar to traditional starbursts while not too sugary. However, for one small 1 serving bag it was 3.29 which is pretty atrocious. There are 90 calories per bag which is not bad for a serving of candy.
Something I didn’t realize until after consuming these is one small bag has 14g of fiber. This is half the recommended daily amount. The fact they didn’t advertise this on the front or really anywhere else but the nutrition facts was a mistake in my opinion. Whatever you do, don’t eat multiple bags of these in a row. On the positive side, the price per bag should keep you from doing that and saving yourself from gastrointestinal distress.
My rating: ★★★★☆ 4/5 🙂👍 Nice less unhealthy candy snack, but the fiber content and price is excessive.
I love sparkling drinks, and mango is one of my favorite flavors. There are so many probiotic sparkling drinks out right now, and even though I haven’t tried a ton of them, I know prebiotics and probiotics can be really good for you. This 12 oz can is just 40 calories, which I like because I’d rather not use up too many of my calories on drinks.
When I first took a sip of this I was like wait, this just tastes like mango juice! There was barely any carbonation. This has happened to me too often with sparkling drinks or sodas. I heard the high heat in summers makes this more likely to happen which makes sense, but is quite sad.
Overall the mango taste is great, and I started to feel like I was in a better mood after drinking it. Whether that was from the pre/probiotics or just being more hydrated, I’m all for it. It would have been perfect to me if it were carbonated. I might give it another go in the colder months and see if I can snag one with more carbonation.
My rating: ★★★★☆ 4/5 🙂👍 Great mango taste, especially for the calories, with no aftertaste. Would have been 5 if it were actually carbonated.
Icelandic Provisions Vanilla Bean Oat Milk Skyr
I found this in the yogurt section and really had no idea what Skyr was. I had never seen it before, and since I love oat milk I got even more curious what something like this would taste like. I was imagining it to be some type of watery yogurt substitute but I was very wrong. This was amazing. It wasn’t too sweet or too tangy, it was perfectly balanced so you could really taste the vanilla bean flavor and not just a ton of sugar. Also, it was very thick. I love a thick greek yogurt and that’s what this reminded me of, just less tangy and watery. A really good alternative to dairy yogurt.
My rating: ★★★★★ 5/5 🥳✨ Delicious, thick and creamy. Pricey at its original price of 2.99, but if I ever saw a good sale I’d stock up, or get it as a healthier treat that still feels indulgent.
Conclusion:
Overall I enjoyed trying all of these, but there isn’t really anything here I would add as a new staple to my favorite weekly snacks.
That’s okay, there are still plenty more new snacks to discover. ✨🍿🥤🍪🍫✨
This Music Monday I want to highlight aespa, a Korean group made up of Karina, Winter, Giselle and Ningning. I have been following their music since their debut 5 years ago. I love how they promote confidence and how much variety there is in their music. Some of their b-sides hit even harder than their title tracks, so I’m sharing a couple of my favorites I think are worth taking a listen to.
“Live My Life”, a song from their first album, is a song about freedom, self-expression, and confidence – living authentically without letting judgments weigh you down. It’s one of those feel good empowering songs that is hard to get tired of.
Another top b-side of theirs, “flowers”, is a softer, more dreamy r&b track that shows off their vocals in a gentler way. I have loved this song ever since first listen 🌷🌼
K-pop has been part of my life for over 15 years. It has been interesting to see how it has changed and been more widely recognized over the years, and all of the different talented singers that have debuted.
Although it may seem odd to some, I have always been pretty open to music in different languages. There’s just a lot of talented, unique, creative singers out there and I don’t want to be the one to dismiss any just because we don’t speak the same language. 🎶🌎
A small simple collage I made with vintage cat photos I cut from 1950’s magazines
I have always loved cats. We had several cats through the years growing up and it started out as just loving how cute they are, and then I really just started to like their personalities. I learned from a young age how you have to behave around cats. You can’t just waltz on up to them and start petting them. You can’t even expect them to like you instantly. You have to build trust with them. Food is usually a good start. You also have to get a feel for their comfort level. I learned it’s usually safest to let them come to you – with your hand lowered. Usually they will be interested, come up and sniff your hand and rub their cheeks on it to leave their mark on you, or just sniff and walk away offended because you had no food for them.
The more I learned about cats, the more I felt like I could relate to them, but it wasn’t until a few years ago when it really clicked with me why I relate to them – a lot of them share some of my autistic traits. Here are a few examples I’d like to share.
They are sensitive to sound. Something I always noticed is how sensitive cats are to sound and it felt very relatable. Any loud sound and they will jump, or put their ears back. I always found their reactions to mirror how I felt when any loud sound happens.
They are independent and like their alone time. Cats get into moods where they just want to be alone and sometimes there is no clear reason, they just need it. When they are in the mood they can be really affectionate, but when they aren’t they can get a cattitude and lash out when you try to pet them. It makes me think they can get overstimulated, and need recharge time which is similar to how I get with people sometimes. Although I don’t lash out and scratch and hiss at people, I can get angry sometimes if they won’t respect that I need alone time when I’m overstimulated.
Cats love routine. Unexpected changes in routine can really throw them off. This is definitely my experience.
They can be picky with food. They have their favorites and are not afraid to show distaste for food they don’t like.
They are usually cautious when it comes to new people. They can approach slowly until they learn the new person is safe. Sometimes they won’t even approach and will hide under a couch or table when a new person is in their environment. This is similar to how I am with people. It takes time for me to build trust with them. My social anxiety makes it hard for me to approach and sometimes makes me want to hide. When I lived with other people and they had new guests over, I’d sometimes want to hide under the couch with the cat too so I wouldn’t have to be introduced to them. It’s not that I was unfriendly, I was just a scaredy cat.
These are just a few reasons I feel like I can relate to cats as an autistic person. I’ll acknowledge not every cat is the same, they all have their own personalities so they are not all like this – these are just common similarities I have noticed after being around cats most of my life, that make me feel even more connected to these cute bundles of anxiety, rage and joy. 🐱🔪❤️✨
I think it’s natural for humans to have a sort of negativity bias, and while it is important to acknowledge struggles and negative things and not completely dismiss them, it’s also good to acknowledge the feel good stuff too. Not as a toxic positivity type of thing, but just as a balanced view.
I want to share some things that made me feel good lately, even if they seem small.
🎮 1. Listening to old gaming music from games I played as a kid, and even remixes of them. Lately it has been this song that lives rent free in my head. Seriously. I may look like I’m deep in thought sometimes but it’s basically no thoughts, just yoshi’s story theme:
😲 2. Which reminds me of something else that I’m excited for – the new Yoshi game! The art style looks amazing and it looks like a cute game with a cute soundtrack. It has been over 7 years since a Yoshi game so it is long overdue.
🖼️ 3. Getting a photo accepted into October’s local art exhibition. It’s my second photo so far that got accepted into an exhibition and it’s so cool to be a part of another one, even if it makes me nervous having my photo seen by a lot of people
🖌️ 4. Creating more things. I’ve been making different types of art. Some might not turn out the best but some I actually wind up liking. I’m not being as judgy with the results as I used to be.
🫶 5. Feeling appreciated in general by people. It is really nice when someone takes the time out of their day to compliment you or show appreciation in some way. It also motivates me to compliment more people too and spread around the good feels.
🎞️ 6. I discovered how to use video mode on my camera, and the videos are way better quality than I expected. It makes me want to practice more high quality videography which is something exciting and newer to me
🎃 7. Seasonal flavored things! I love pumpkin flavored things and I’m taking advantage of however many I see while they are here. I’m also looking forward for more seasonal flavors to be released during the winter time ❄️
So those are just 7 things that have made me feel good lately. Maybe you can come up with your own list? It’s worth a try.
I stumbled upon this old photo of me and my brother (I blurred my brother’s face because I feel like he might not want old photos of him posted publicly online)
What I really like about this photo is it kind of sums up how we both had fun and relaxed as kids. I was either 6 or 7 years old and he was 9 or 10.
As you can see he was holding a N64 controller and I was holding a drink of some sort (probably hot chocolate). I imagine it was one of those times where I was sitting back and watching him play a single player game before taking my turn to play a single player game myself, or for us to play a multiplayer game together. I know some kids get impatient or bored if they are watching someone else play video games, but I didn’t mind waiting my turn. I actually really liked watching him play, especially The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time.
We both have always seemed to have nintendo systems growing up ever since the original NES was released and would be excited to play both single player and multiplayer games on them. Fast forward to now, we still game every week or two, playing multiplayer nintendo switch games online together. We live far from each other so we can’t see each other in person often, but I really like that we can still game together.
Video games have always been a source of comfort for me, whether playing with others or on my own. If I really like one, I can get lost in it for hundreds of hours on my own. The best combination for me is cozying up in bed with tea while playing one of my favorite games. Bonus relaxation points if it’s raining outside. ☕🌧️ The real world can wait – I’ve got pokemon to collect, main quests, side missions, character armor to upgrade, furniture to craft, crops to water, goombas to squash, and purple shorts to deliver back to the mayor!
I wanted to share some things in my life I am currently working on 🚧🏗️
Creative goals -Creating more physical things from my photographs -Making more art and not judging it harshly -Practicing photography in all sorts of ways -Blogging -Trying new creative hobbies
Personal goals -Expressing myself better -Accepting myself as I am while still changing things I want to change -Treating myself to things that feel like luxuries -Advocating for myself and my wants and needs
Social & relational goals -Being more social in person -Unmasking more often -Going out to more events -Setting healthy boundaries -Letting go of seeking to be understood by people who don’t want to understand -Showing appreciation to the supportive people in my life
For me, some of these come more naturally, but some of these take up a lot of effort. However, I know doing these things or at least trying, are ways to grow myself and learn about myself. It is very tempting to stick with routine. I love the comfort of routine, but now I think of it like this : doing more new things is a way to possibly enjoy something new so much that it becomes a part of my new routine and brings me even more comfort and happiness. This shift in mindset has been a really important one for me.
I never claimed to be normal 