I never claimed to be normal

Random neurodivergent expression

Boo. It’s me. 👻

My name is Cindy. I am 34 years old and neurodivergent. These blogs are just who I am and what I am feeling at the current time they are posted or random things I enjoy. Some deep, some not. If you read them I thank you for taking the time out of your life to listen. Some people don’t care enough to try to understand others, and it says something about you that you are trying.

recent posts

  • Feel good Friday – 7 things that made me feel good this week

    I think it’s natural for humans to have a sort of negativity bias, and while it is important to acknowledge struggles and negative things and not completely dismiss them, it’s also good to acknowledge the feel good stuff too. Not as a toxic positivity type of thing, but just as a balanced view.

    I want to share some things that made me feel good lately, even if they seem small.

    🎮 1. Listening to old gaming music from games I played as a kid, and even remixes of them. Lately it has been this song that lives rent free in my head. Seriously. I may look like I’m deep in thought sometimes but it’s basically no thoughts, just yoshi’s story theme:

    😲 2. Which reminds me of something else that I’m excited for – the new Yoshi game! The art style looks amazing and it looks like a cute game with a cute soundtrack. It has been over 7 years since a Yoshi game so it is long overdue.

    🖼️ 3. Getting a photo accepted into October’s local art exhibition. It’s my second photo so far that got accepted into an exhibition and it’s so cool to be a part of another one, even if it makes me nervous having my photo seen by a lot of people

    🖌️ 4. Creating more things. I’ve been making different types of art. Some might not turn out the best but some I actually wind up liking. I’m not being as judgy with the results as I used to be.

    🫶 5. Feeling appreciated in general by people. It is really nice when someone takes the time out of their day to compliment you or show appreciation in some way. It also motivates me to compliment more people too and spread around the good feels.

    🎞️ 6. I discovered how to use video mode on my camera, and the videos are way better quality than I expected. It makes me want to practice more high quality videography which is something exciting and newer to me

    🎃 7. Seasonal flavored things! I love pumpkin flavored things and I’m taking advantage of however many I see while they are here. I’m also looking forward for more seasonal flavors to be released during the winter time ❄️

    So those are just 7 things that have made me feel good lately. Maybe you can come up with your own list? It’s worth a try.

  • Throwback Thursday – Gaming with my brother through the years 🎮

    I stumbled upon this old photo of me and my brother (I blurred my brother’s face because I feel like he might not want old photos of him posted publicly online)

    What I really like about this photo is it kind of sums up how we both had fun and relaxed as kids. I was either 6 or 7 years old and he was 9 or 10.

    As you can see he was holding a N64 controller and I was holding a drink of some sort (probably hot chocolate). I imagine it was one of those times where I was sitting back and watching him play a single player game before taking my turn to play a single player game myself, or for us to play a multiplayer game together. I know some kids get impatient or bored if they are watching someone else play video games, but I didn’t mind waiting my turn. I actually really liked watching him play, especially The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time.

    We both have always seemed to have nintendo systems growing up ever since the original NES was released and would be excited to play both single player and multiplayer games on them. Fast forward to now, we still game every week or two, playing multiplayer nintendo switch games online together. We live far from each other so we can’t see each other in person often, but I really like that we can still game together.

    Video games have always been a source of comfort for me, whether playing with others or on my own. If I really like one, I can get lost in it for hundreds of hours on my own. The best combination for me is cozying up in bed with tea while playing one of my favorite games. Bonus relaxation points if it’s raining outside. ☕🌧️ The real world can wait – I’ve got pokemon to collect, main quests, side missions, character armor to upgrade, furniture to craft, crops to water, goombas to squash, and purple shorts to deliver back to the mayor!

  • Things I am working on 🏗️

    I wanted to share some things in my life I am currently working on 🚧🏗️

    Creative goals
    -Creating more physical things from my photographs
    -Making more art and not judging it harshly
    -Practicing photography in all sorts of ways
    -Blogging
    -Trying new creative hobbies

    Personal goals
    -Expressing myself better
    -Accepting myself as I am while still changing things I want to change
    -Treating myself to things that feel like luxuries
    -Advocating for myself and my wants and needs

    Social & relational goals
    -Being more social in person
    -Unmasking more often
    -Going out to more events
    -Setting healthy boundaries
    -Letting go of seeking to be understood by people who don’t want to understand
    -Showing appreciation to the supportive people in my life

    For me, some of these come more naturally, but some of these take up a lot of effort. However, I know doing these things or at least trying, are ways to grow myself and learn about myself. It is very tempting to stick with routine. I love the comfort of routine, but now I think of it like this : doing more new things is a way to possibly enjoy something new so much that it becomes a part of my new routine and brings me even more comfort and happiness. This shift in mindset has been a really important one for me.

  • Info dumping about myself

    Smaller me, possibly 3 or 4 years old here at Christmas

    So, I introduced myself a little bit in my first post but didn’t tell that much about me, so here is my attempt to open up more about me and my silly little life.

    Some earlier background about me – I was born October 22nd, 1991. I have a brother who is a few years older than me. I grew up in a very small town and lived there the majority of my life with my mom who raised me and my brother. I moved out independently to a different city a few years ago and it has changed my life in so many ways for the better. I was diagnosed as a teen with Aspergers before it was changed to Autism Spectrum Disorder, and was diagnosed again as an adult with Autism Spectrum Disorder. I get support and accommodations I am very grateful for, but I like to do a lot of things on my own. Adulting with autism can be hard, but I feel a sense of pride when I do the thing.

    Some of my hobbies and things I enjoy are photography, arts and crafts, exploring nature, cooking classes, art classes, video games, collecting pokemon cards, organizing things, watching youtube, live music, making themed playlists on spotify, discovering new music, learning new facts, watching documentaries, entering art exhibitions, and as of now some new interests I am enjoying are blogging and dabbling in music composition. I really like all sorts of animals but cats and capybaras are some of my favorites. I also have an interest in mental health and wellness and make that a priority in my life. I reflect a lot and I like being honest with myself and making modifications in my life or behavior if I feel like they are going in an unhealthy direction. I like spending quality time with friends and family and bonding over shared interests. I like doing things in person with people or playing video games with them. I am not so good at texting because so much is lost through text only and it’s hard for me to feel connected with people that way.

    I am an honest person, and I do my best to be respectful in my honesty, though I do have my slip ups.
    Sometimes I think back on things I have bluntly said and been like “wow, why did I have to word it like THAT? What a butthead!” Thankfully I overthink what I am about to say so often I don’t have too many of those moments anymore. I’m still learning and trying my best to be a better communicator with people.

    I said some things I like and enjoy, and there are some things I really dislike and won’t tolerate so I thought I’d voice those too. I dislike really loud sounds and repetitive noises. I don’t like being around people who are negative and cynical about every little thing to the point that I can’t enjoy the moment with them. I don’t like people who discriminate and belittle others, egotistical people, or people who only like to gossip about other people. I have a thing against people who hurt others repeatedly and don’t care to change for the better. I have a strong sense of justice, which can cause me anger and upset at times, but I’d rather feel that than indifference. I don’t like people who don’t respect my boundaries.

    Also, I hate pickles.

  • Music Monday 😺

    This is an idea I just kind of randomly came up with – Music Monday where I share a song or two that I really love. The lyrics here really stuck with me and this singer is definitely a hidden gem. 💎

  • Hello World

    Hello, and welcome to my blog. I’ll introduce myself here. 🐱

    My name’s Cindy. I am 33 years old as of writing this. I am on the autism spectrum. I say this because it is a huge part of who I am and how my brain works. It’s not all that I am – but a big part of me and so I feel that anyone who is going to get to know me should first know this, because I have been told before that other people can’t tell I have autism (probably thanks to my years long practice of masking), and they would put neurotypical expectations onto me that I could never live up to.

    I wanted to start this blog to help myself find my own voice and practice talking as someone who struggles to talk about themselves without feeling weird about it. It may be true that not many people read blogs anymore, but that’s okay. In fact, that helps me feel a little less anxious about starting one. If barely anyone reads it anyway, why should I be so nervous?

    I want to express my thoughts here, unfiltered, possibly weird, for anyone who is bored enough to read and may want to get to know me better. In person I can be quiet and reserved, and sometimes there may not be much going on in my brain (especially if I’m not caffeinated), but other times there really is a lot going on, and I just want to try to put it into words. There are other sides of me, and my goal is to open up and be as vulnerable and authentic as I can in this one life that I have. These blogs are just who I am and what I am feeling at the current time they are posted or random things I enjoy. Some deep, some not. If you read them I thank you for taking the time out of your life to listen. Some people don’t care enough to try to understand others, and it says something about you that you are trying.